Poem: Going to the World’s Fair, 1964

Going to the World’s Fair, 1964

Before we were married, we went to the World’s Fair, 1964.
We walk down the Midway together, and I’m happy
to be there with you, sure I’ll remember this moment
forever, you holding my hand, walking along with the crowds.
We climb the Ferris wheel and I am ashamed to admit to you
that I’ve always hated amusement parks, never ridden
one of these, yet I let you lead me onto the wheel
and the operator stops it at the very top
and my eyes are shut and my hand is clamped on your leg.
Shaking, I stumble off the ride, trying to pretend that I loved it,
the way Seventeen magazine insisted we girls should act
around our men, for you were going to protect us
for the rest of our lives, a fairy tale that we believed
as if we could actually chart out a life based on lies.

I think now of all the years we’ve been together
and all the lies I’ve told you about your illness,
about what it has done to you, to us, for how can
I tell you the truth about how afraid I am,
more afraid than I was at the top of the Ferris wheel,
the way I talk you into believing now that you
are not as ill as I know you are, that we will celebrate
our fiftieth wedding anniversary together, that stem cells
or genes or some other medicine will save you
and time will roll backward and we will be
what we were on that Midway together,
you whispering, “Don’t be afraid.”


from The Silence in an Empty House

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Maria Mazziotti Gillan's most recent books are the poetry and photography collection, Paterson Light and Shadow  and the poetry collection, What Blooms in Winter. Her collection of poems paired with some of her paintings is The Girls in the Chartreuse Jackets. Her new artist website is at MariaMazziottiGillan.com. Maria's poetry website is MariaGillan.com.

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