What My Father Taught Me
Why is it only now
so many years after you died that I realize
how much you taught me by the way you lived your life,
how you reached out to others,
how you always offered to help,
how you always let cars go ahead of you
when you were waiting to turn onto a busy road.
How many times did I mock you?
How impatient and rude I was,
annoyed by your wide smile,
your crooked teeth,
the way you drank your coffee from a saucer
as all the immigrant Italians did,
that powerless leg you dragged wherever you went.
Now, with my own legs failing me,
I can see you struggling to keep on doing everything you could.
Outgoing, joyous, fun-loving, secretary of the Società Cilento
in Paterson, NJ for fifty-two years,
kept their books, and the minutes of each meeting.
So often you drove people to the Italian consulate
to sign papers to bring their families to America.
Every day you visited your friends for a few hours,
cards and conversation until age eight-six,
when you could no longer drive.
Even when you were in a wheelchair,
nothing could still your curious mind,
your love of politics and history,
your mathematical intelligence
We were so alike you and I,
both loving people,
loving being there for others and hearing their stories,
both ready to reach out to the world and to others.
I wish I could tell you what I should have told you
when you were still alive,
how much you taught me about courage and never giving up.
Forgive me for all I didn’t understand,
for wanting you to be the middle-class father you could never be.
Praise to you for all you taught me about generosity and grace,
for never forgetting how to laugh,
and for always opening your arms and welcoming others in.
Maria Mazziotti Gillan's newest poetry collection is When the Stars Were Still Visible (2021). Other recent publications are the poetry and photography collection, Paterson Light and Shadow, and the poetry collections What Blooms in Winter and The Girls in the Chartreuse Jackets, a pairing of her poems with her paintings.
Maria's artist website is MariaMazziottiGillan.com and her poetry website is MariaGillan.com.
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