Poem: The Cedar Keepsake Box

Maria Mazziotti Gillan has said, “Poetry is my passion—writing it and sharing it with others through my own books, setting up readings for other poets, editing a magazine and anthologies, and organizing prizes. My mother always said, ‘The more I gave away, the more I had to give,’ referring to food, and I have tried to do the same thing with poetry.”

“The Cedar Keepsake Box” by Maria Mazziotti Gillan appeared in Rattle issue #31, Summer 2009. The magazine recently reposted the poem along with audio of Maria reading it.

THE CEDAR KEEPSAKE BOX

What happened to the cedar keepsake box my mother bought

me the only time I ever went to the Jersey shore when I was

growing up? After she told me that I couldn’t have it, too

expensive, my mother bought it for me anyway.

Here, she said, turned away, my mother who loved all of us

with a devotion so complete we could have been gods or

saints to her. Though she never said it, each act of love a

demonstration. I loved that box, loved the aroma of cedar,

rising out of it when I opened it. I loved the feel of the

burnished wood under my fingers, the box that would keep my

tender secrets for years. So much in our lives is like that, we

love and love and love an object and then one day

it disappears, and we don’t notice as though there were a

canyon in the middle of the world where all those lost loves

go. It is like that with people too. So now, when I hear your

voice on the phone, that trembling, rasping it has become

or when you tell me you fell four times today and describe

each place where you fell and why or when you fumble for

words to explain some simple fact, I know you, too, are going

to vanish from my life, the feel of your skin under my

hand, the way your shaking hands reach for me, the same way

I still remember the sweet smell of cedar lifting into the air,

the smooth feel of that wooden box under my hand.

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Maria Mazziotti Gillan's new poetry collection is When the Stars Were Still Visible (2021). Other recent publications are the poetry and photography collection, Paterson Light and Shadow and the poetry collections What Blooms in Winter and The Girls in the Chartreuse Jackets which pairs her poems with her paintings. Maria's artist's website is MariaMazziottiGillan.com and her poetry website is MariaGillan.com.